There’s no point in expecting a different life if you aren’t actively and consciously doing things differently. That’s the hardest part (and the hardest truth) about healing. Nothing changes until you change it.  That’s why having a strategy is so important as you move forward and into happier and healthier horizons for you and your needs.

Why you struggle to change.


If you struggle to make serious changes in your life (or stick to them) then you aren’t alone. Humans aren’t exactly known for their passion for change. We would rather put our heads in the sand and remain uncomfortably uncomfortable. But that only further damages our sense of self and our joy. Change is a good thing, and it brings a lot of positive benefits with it too. In order to get to this point of acceptance in our journey, though, we have to first understand why we’re so hesitant to change in the first place.

You don’t know what it means

Most of us – despite what our ego tells us  – don’t really know what  true change and healing means. We watch gurus talk softly on Youtube and think that healing our pain or our past wounds is a journey of quiet tranquility. But nothing could be further from the truth. Change and healing are both unpredicatable and twisting paths. Every person experiences them differently. At the end of both paths, though, is authenticity and a deeper peace that those self-help gurus. It’s a peace in knowing who we are and making no more apologies for it.

You don’t know how to do it

Even when we know what it means to change ourselves in a positive way, we don’t often do it. Because we don’t know how. We sit there with our hands full of puzzle pieces, but we have no idea what the reference picture looks like. So we’re lost.  That’s why it can be so important to enlist the help of a coach, counselor, or therapist (depending on your needs). Someone who has been there before can help us put all the puzzle pieces together.

You resent making adjustments

Maybe you have all the pieces and you know what to do, but you’re still hesitant to do it. That’s human nature. We don’t like to change. And when we feel forced to change (out of necessity) we can be resentful of that.  If you know you need to change, but you refuse to  do it, this may be one of the reasons why. The sooner you move past the pettiness, the easier it becomes to improve your life.

You’re surrounded by obstacles

When we are surrounded by endless obstacles, it becomes that much harder to improve ourselves and our circumstances. These challenges can be socio-economic, but they can also manifest as toxic relationships and out-of-sorts careers and risky behavior. If you are surrounded by toxic people and toxic things, they will keep distracting you and keep you off track. Putting ourselves in the right environment to grow is imperative. That means a higher quality social circle and making better decisions for the experiences and careers we invest in.

How to embrace change in your life.

We can teach ourselves to be more comfortable with change. While we may never fully enjoy the transitions that we go through in our lives, we can change the way we see these transformations and the benefits they bring into our lives. That requires being honest about our needs, though, and figuring out where we’re at.  From here we can embrace change we actually need, and take accontability for getting the help and taking the action that’s required to turn things around.

1. Be honest about your needs

Not all change is good change. It’s important to make sure we’re embracing renewed behaviors and beliefs that align with our deeper truths. But to do so, we have to first be honest about what it is we really need from our lives and our relationships.  Do you need to change the way you communicate? The type of people you invest in? All of that becomes clear when you figure out how you want to be treated, and what you need from your  relationships, your career, and your future at large.

2. Figure out where you’re at

Where are you at in your life right this moment?  This is another big informer of change, and something we can use to ease ourselves into change and transformation of our own. Until you know where you’re at in life (and your partnerships) you’ll stumble in the dark in the direction of so many different things. When you stumble in to the wrong things, it will reinforce the idea that change is scary and bad. Take a second to plan and consider what is truly necessary in order for you to improve yourself and your life.

3. Take some accountability

There’s no good and worthy change without some accountability. You are the only one responsible for your life. And no matter what anyone else tells you, you are the only person truly looking out for your wellbeing. If you want things to be better, you have to decide to make it better. You have to decide to take action and make things better than they were. Then you are the only one who can act.

4. Get help figuring it out

For some reason, so many of us have adopted this idea that we have to change and readjust to our new lives all alone. We carry all our confusion and struggle like a burden. We hold ourselves back by stubbornly treading water where we don’t have to. That’s why enlisting the help of a coach, counselor, or therapist can be a good idea. They can guide us through places they have already been so that we can find better ways to live and relate to those we love (and ourselves).

5. Put yourself in different places

At the end of the day, change happens when we change things. You have to put yourself in different places and surround yourself with different people. You have to make different choices for yourself and the life you choose to build. There’s no positive thinking here. It’s all action. You’ll manifest the life you want when you act on the right values and beliefs. Put yourself in different places if you want different results.

Putting it all together…

Change isn’t an easy thing to accept for any of us. It’s uncomfortable, and it scares us in a number of ways. When we come to a crossroads of change, it makes us question who we are and what we really want from life. It also opens up all our old wounds and insecurities in the worst possible ways. Nonetheless, embracing change is imperative for leading a better life. Only when we learn to open our hearts to it can we really find the transformations we’ve been seeking.


Stop running from change. Sit where you are and figure out what you need from yourself, your relationships, and your future in order to be happy. Be brutally honest and don’t water down your truth. Figure out where you are in life and then look to the future in a planned and realistic way.  Take some accoutability for your life. You are the only person who can change who you are or what happens to you. That’s your responsibility. Accept this and you will be empowered to take action.  Don’t expect a different life if you aren’t willing to act differently. You have to change things to change them. Take action and make different choices for yourself. Surround yourself with different people and choose different paths for yourself. Little-by-little, your life will become something you never expected.

Ready to turn your life inside-out? Get coached by me. Applications are open now – but BEWARE. This commitment is not for everyone.