Are you on the road to love again?

Looking for a partner who can build with you and create the future you’re hungry for? Getting romantic relationships right can be hard to do. Much like forming a recipe, you need the right ingredients — both in yourself and in the people you select as potential partners.

It’s not a random process. The best relationships are built consciously by those who seek healthy partners as their equals. There’s a very specific kind of person who can travel the road to love with you. For you to get your happy ending, you must start intentionally picking partners with better, healthier personality traits.

Love, loss, and magical thinking.

Romantic love is a must for many people. They crave that closeness of a monogamous partner. Some want to know they are coming home to the same person every day, and that someone is always in their corner. It’s a normal craving, and it’s one that forms a foundation for the dream life in many instances.

The only genuine issue comes when we feed into bad patterns and magical thinking. Romantic love isn’t magical. The meet-cutes you see on TV aren’t real. Couples don’t pass in the park and then jump into a 30-year marriage two days later. That’s not how interpersonal relationships work.

Relationships aren’t magic anymore — if they ever were. The couple who is formed like a shot in the dark is a couple going down at sea. Human-to-human connection is rooted in science. It’s based on quantifiable traits, behaviors, and beliefs that compel us to connect with partners of certain calibers.

If you want your happily ever-after, if you want to break the cycle of loss, then you have to get real about the relationships you’re building (and who you’re building them with). The shot-in-the-dark approach will not work anymore. You need to build your love with the right people.

The types of people who make the best romantic partners.

Studies show that some people who make better romantic partners than others, and it has little to do with what job they have or what position they inhabit in society. In fact, personality is actually the biggest obvious indicator of relationship health and success. Want a forever love? Start by looking for people with these 4 core personality traits.

Conscientious carer

Conscientiousness refers to a person’s desire to be good or to do well. A truly conscientious person is always looking at the bigger picture and trying to make decisions from a place of carefulness and respect (for self and for others).

Conscientious partners are consistently shown to have partners with higher relationship satisfaction. It’s easy to understand why. When you are with a conscientious partner or spouse, they are honest and reliable. They show up as they promise to, and never decide on something they know will be destructive.

Friendly and agreeable

Are you an agreeable person? Those with this personality trait get along well with others and have a peaceful time forming positive connections. They usually have well-rooted friendships and enjoy a fair amount of social interaction. It’s easy for them to communicate, versus those with low agreeableness who can come off as unfriendly or hostile.

If you want a relationship with a high chance of going the distance, then you should seek a person who has a high level of agreeableness. They don’t have to be total pushovers, but they should be easily affable.

Look for someone who doesn’t blow their top at you over small things. Or the person who will work to maintain peace and happiness for everyone involved. They won’t seek conflict and resentment simply won’t exist. Even in the low moments, this is the partner who shines.

Emotionally positive

Our personalities are filled with highs and lows, plateaus, and valleys. Some of us have higher highs and lower lows than others. That’s certainly the case with the neurotic personality type, which can also be an indicator of both relationship satisfaction and long-term success.

Neuroticism is basically our experience of negative emotional states. When someone is high in neurotic personality traits, they are more likely to struggle with their emotions, their behaviors, and holding positive beliefs and perspectives.

That’s why partners who are low in neuroticism are the ideal to strive for. This is someone who errs on the side of positivity, who experiences stable and consistent positive emotional states (without extremes in hostility or impulsivity).

You don’t necessarily want the struggle of someone who is overwhelmed with anxiety and paranoia; someone who is fighting a bottomless battle in their mind and their hearts. (Unless, of course, they are doing the work to manage their behaviors and emotional health).

Naturally outgoing

Even if you aren’t an extrovert, having a partner who is high in extraverted traits can be a boon. Studies show that outgoing and gregarious partners proved to consistently show healthier relationships. They enjoyed the company of others, and in that state, they could form more positive social connections.

Seek the person who wants to be engaged in the world. Not the person who is happy to disappear into a hole in the couch. See their energy as a source of energy for your own life. If you really want that happily ever-after, then look for a partner who is actively plugged into a life you want to build.

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It’s time for you to stop struggling your way into terrible relationships. Stop settling for subpar people who aren’t ready to create a better future with you. Be more intentional about who you’re investing in romantically. Choose partners who are peaceable, friendly, empathetic, and engaged in life.

Your romantic relationships can be a benefit or a burden. It comes down to who you choose to be with and who you choose to be…in this moment and all future moments, too.

Malouff, J.M. et al. (2010) “The five-factor model of personality and relationship satisfaction of intimate partners: A meta-analysis,” Journal of Research in Personality, 44(1), pp. 124–127. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2009.09.004.

Widiger TA, Oltmanns JR. Neuroticism is a fundamental domain of personality with enormous public health implications. World Psychiatry. 2017 Jun;16(2):144–145. doi: 10.1002/wps.20411. PMID: 28498583; PMCID: PMC5428182.

© E.B. Johnson 2024