Improve Your Relationship With These Commandments

Though we traditionally think of love as teddy bears and boxes of chocolate, modern love is a strange and complex thing, full of all kinds of ups and downs and in-betweens.

Healthy partnerships require communication, respect, and a lot of mindful intent, but that’s not always possible and it’s not always easy. We all hit walls and tough spots. Getting through is a matter of buckling down, focusing on what matters, and taking action in the name of a healthier partnership.

The relationship commandments to make your love last.

Lasting love is the goal that so many of us are working toward. We want to find that person who will always be in our corner. But we can’t get there until we build the foundations of worthwhile love. Do you want to build a relationship that has the strength to last forever? Following these 7 relationship commandments will help you to realize a partnership, unlike anything you’ve ever imagined.

1. Thou shalt always communicate

No relationship can thrive without communication. As a couple, you have to talk about things — the good and the bad. And you can’t just wait for it to happen. It has to be intentional and it has to be regular.

You and your partner need to take regular time to check in with each other. Talk about more than how your day went. You have to talk about your hopes, your fears, your dreams, your plans, and everything else in between.

Communication is how we build trust, affection, and safety in one another. It’s how we bond and it’s how we maneuver our relationships into the future. Navigating the ups and downs requires communication at every hurdle.

2. Thou shalt think laterally

Lateral thinking is a must in every serious relationship. Putting on your blinders and taking on tunnel vision will do nothing but run you both into burnout and resentment. Whenever you act, whenever you make decisions, you both have to think about the big picture, the little picture, and all the details in between.

Gone are the days of thinking only of yourself and your emotions. In a committed relationship, you have to ask yourself — how is this going to affect the other person I have decided to join my life to?
Consider your needs and desires but realize that you must prioritize someone else too. Building a relationship is building a commitment. You’re making a promise not to hurt the other person, so think through all the options before taking major action.

3. Thou shalt make more space

Couples that hold space for one another are couples that thrive. It works a couple of different ways. First, you and your partner need to hold space for one another. On a regular basis, you should be taking time to nourish and nurture your love. That means spending quality time together and using it productively in experience and conversation.

There’s another level to this too, however. Both you and your partner also have to make space for one another. One-sided relationships don’t work. Your partner needs just as much space to express themselves and experience their lives as you do.

You need to give them room to share what’s going on in their life. You need to make sure you give them space to celebrate independent victories or even the frustrations they’re feeling with you and the way your partnership is going.

4. Thou shalt make celebrations

How often do you and your partner take time to celebrate your love? Do you celebrate your wins? The good times? Do you make time to make fun and exciting memories that fuel you through the bad times?

Your love won’t make it if you aren’t celebrating. Fun is an important component of any serious partnership. Just think about how you fell in love. Remember that spark? Remember that excitement?
Getting yourselves into a rut means you have to rebuild or recapture that spark…which is no easy thing to do. The better route is to keep that spark alive by feeding yourselves a regular dose of celebration.

Celebrate each other. Take a few minutes or a few hours each week to check in and do something fun. Create a date night in. Make a cake. Book that fancy new restaurant in town.

You don’t have to break the bank. Just be creative, be authentic, and make it all about creating feel-good memories that you can rely on when life decides to test your partnership.

5. Thou shalt water the garden

People tend to treat their relationships like an accessory. It’s an expensive bag to be scored off a checklist. They run the race, meet the person, and cross the finish line. But this is where a lot of people then give up.

Relationships don’t work when you treat them like an accessory. Instead, you have to learn how to see your love as a garden.

The love you share is a living, breathing thing. Like a garden, it needs a healthy foundation. You have to regularly intercede. You have to water it, feed it, get involved, and pull out the weeds when things get tangled and wild.
At the same time, though, you are nothing more than a steward of your love. You do not own your partner, you do not possess it…just like a garden. A garden is a product of nature. While we may manipulate it and involves ourselves in it, it ultimately belongs to nature and will follow her will.

Your love is also a product of nature, and it will flow in and flow out as it needs. You and your partner, however, must tend that love to keep your garden growing strong. In the same vein, know that you will never fully possess your partner or the shared world you’re building.

6. Thou shalt honor the natural flow

Romantic relationships follow the tides of nature. There is a natural ebb and flow to everything in life, and our partnerships are no different. Sometimes things run hot. In the summer of our love, it’s intense and things move fast. But life changes…

Things slow down. The way we feel about our partners and our lives changes. You’re not going to be hot, heavy, and excited about your relationship all the time. Your sex life isn’t always going to be great, you’re not always going to want the same things from one another in terms of your future.

Honor these natural flows. See the bigger picture and stop limiting yourself with fairy tales and unreal expectations. Give your partner space to deal with the struggles in their life. Give yourself time and space to do the same. Don’t give up or throw in the towel the first time things slow down or go wrong. Make a commitment and see it through.

7. Thou shalt nourish thyself

You will never make your relationship work if you’re not making life good for yourself. It’s a core truth that too many people forget. Instead, they lose themselves in their partnerships and end up standing somewhere they don’t recognize with someone they don’t really love.

Nourish yourself. Fill yourself up from the inside out. Come to your partner a truly happy and satisfied person that is ready to build a worthwhile life.
Build stable and (platonically) loving relationships with friends and family. Pursue your hobbies and your interests. Experience a life that fully reflects your inner joy and pick a partner who complements that.

Building to forever…

There are a number of easy changes we can make to ensure happier, healthier, and more efficient relationships that last. Do you want more stability in your partnership? You must both be honest and get proactive about making changes that matter.

Start listening to your emotions on an individual level so that you can figure out your emotions on a partnership level. Once you’re clear on how you feel and what you want, you can fully express those things to your partner and make room for them to do the same.

Communicate with intention and carve out regular blocks of time in which you can just sit and talk things through without a need for drama or conflict. The better we are at communication, the more likely our partnerships are to avoid fractures.

Create new memories together and don’t forget to reaffirm your love through regular bouts of fun. Address your aggravations with one another upfront and don’t wait until resentment makes you avoid one another.

Beyond that, find your natural flow and stick to it. The best and easiest way to improve your relationship is often to simply stop forcing it.

© E.B. Johnson 2024

I am a writer, NLP coach, and podcaster who helps people cognitively reframe their experiences for greater life satisfaction.  Join The Growth Digest, my self-recovery newsletter, for weekly updates, advice, announcements, and more.